Feeling

Its been a long time i never updated my blog, actually i  got quite a lot of stuff happened recently...its a really tiring and i don know what i should do and can do. Do anyone how to removed the obstacle of heart? i thought i'm a dark devil and without mercy with others but now only i realize i'm actually a stupid idiot devil that only will no mercy on myself. If got anyone need my help i will definitely be there..but when myself need me, i just useless like a kid and hide myself at a corner. Now definitely is time for me to actual awake myself that hide deep inside my heart....

MY GRADUATION GIFT

 THE GIFT FROM MY SISTER IN LAW

THE GIFT FROM MY ELDER BOTHER

i'm seriously got to thanks my brother and sister in law for giving such surprise present as my graduation gift and this coming sunday is my convocation. Actually i should feel very happy and excited but when the day is near the corner it just remind me how useless i am. i'm suppose to be study hard in my 1st year and never extend for extra 1 trimester. Because of this extended trimester cause my beloved elder sister doesnt have chance to see me step on the stage and received my scroll of graduation. Each time when i saw my mum cried i don know what i can do. i'm always only can stay besides her and silently take care of her.sometimes i do felt the feeling of crying but i cant, sometimes when i force myself to cry but there is no tears come out from my eyes. All the feeling is just keep on struggling inside my heart. While i received the gift i felt so happy but i saw my mum look at the gift and cried i felt so sad. Each time i need to struggling with my own emotion is very tiring. why human live in this living world got to suffer for so many things, people always said don worry be happy, but sometimes it is not easy to apply this word in or daily life.

accident~~

I suffer for a car accident at 26 september 2011, time: 6.32 pm. This accident is happened while i'm on the way back from my workplace. what i can said is fate, my colleague call me while i'm just passed by the junction to the main road. he told me in front got happened a very terrible car accident so he asked me to follow another way to go back. after he told me i'm still wonder myself, i should follow his instruction or not but suddenly he called me again and told me my admin manager want to follow my car and ask me to be the road guide. When i know there is someone need my assistant i wont reject even i'm still wonder, so i decided the way and go straight away... that day my mood is not that good because since morning my boss keep on coming inside my office and quarrel with me about the experiment result so while i'm driving my mind is not stable. The accident is happened while my car crossed over a small bridge, my tyres cross by the bump near the bridge. after that my car straight away loose control and bang to the lamp posts. Luckily i don have any external injuries, just got some minor internal issue only. After rest for 1 week then i feel better edy, but somehow this accident do cause some issue for my body. Today is my 1st working day after that accident, i felt my body strenght is turning down, my concentration while working also turning down, and i'm easily felt dizziness. 

WILL THIS MINOR ISSUE TURN WORST IN FUTURE AND SUDDENLY END UP MY LIFE?? I'M NOT SURE...BECAUSE THE DOCTOR SAID I'M FINE...SO NOW THE QUESTION HERE IS WE SHOULD TRUST DOCTOR OR OUR SELF?? ANSWER IS DON KNOW.....HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

^.^

i love u all~~

Since the last post, i'm talking about how meaningless of the birthday in my current life, but because of them my meaningless birthday not really meaningless anymore.

From day to day, time to time, i will not forget u all. Now my life the person i can cherish and concern is become lesser and lesser. The person who can encourage me and giving me power already disappear in this world. But because of this 4 fella that inside this picture,i know i'm not alone. when i need people they will still available for me...so i'm here got to promise u all...I WILL BE FINE!!! 

For the same thing, i know u all is available for me, so i'm totally available for u all too...if anything need my assistant there will be no rejection from me...anything, anytime, and anywhere...i will become the guardian devil for all of u~~

THE MEANING OF BIRTHDAY

Today is 26 august 2011, is also my official 24 years old birthday. I'm suppose to be very happy and excited about this meaningful days, but what i felt now is just empty and meaningless. All the life component for this part already missing, each year of birthday wishes that i will get just in time no longer exist in this world. Today really make me so missing my sis, when i suddenly open the file that contain her video and picture make me extremely can control my own crying feeling. But in the end, i couldn't drop a tears out from my eyes, there is because my tears already dried up. This is my true feeling about this birthday, but thanks from all my friends that still remember my birthday and because of the wishes i received from facebook make me still feel happy and cherish.

Here i got to mention about this fella, yesterday night 12.19am, he suddenly called and the purpose of calling is just want to wish me happy birthday. This really make me surprise, and somehow even i damn tired but because of his action make me so ""GAN DONG"". HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....

IF PEOPLE ASK ME TO SHARE AND ENJOY MY HAPPINESS ABOUT TODAY, MY ANSWER IS THERE IS NO ONE LEFT BESIDES ME THAT CAN SHARE MY HAPPINESS...

~~THE END FOR THE STORY OF DEVILS BIRTHDAY~~

Meaning of this blog

My life is not belong to myself anymore, i got to share and divided all my life component for my family , friends, and the people i love. From the side of perception, know how to advise, concern, kind, responsible to family, and bla bla bla...is very good moral values. people who did all this will get the reputation as a very good man, but in my case there is totally different. I did all that for my family, even i sacrifice all my freedom and all my self respect as a guy, but i still cant fulfill their needs. Somehow the result i get is the worst things ever, i really don know how to define myself anymore. Some people said i'm good, my sister never agree with that statement, the question keep on surrounding me. ""HOW CAN I BE PERFECT???? ""WHAT I SHOULD DO TO BECOME PERFECT??? when i cant get the answer for this 2 question, the new question will come out. ""AM I  THE MOST USELESS GITT IN THIS WORLD?? this question i got the answer, and the result is YES I AM,
i tried to make my family happy but i failed, i promise i will never break my promises to the person that i first time fall in love but i failed, i tried to protect and take care of the sister that i cared the most but because of my lackey i failed, THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS HAPPENED MAKE ME REALLY CANT DENY MYSELF IS THE PERSON THAT SHOULD NEVER BORN IN THIS WORLD. If possible i really want to leave this world now, but for the last promise that i make for my beloved sister, i got to stay alive and take care for my mum until the end of her life.
So, my life is not belong to myself anymore, WHERE TO FIND MYSELF I ALSO DON KNOW, SO HOPEFULLY I CAN FIND MYSELF THROUGH THIS BLOG AND LIVE HAPPILY IN MY OWN WORLD OF DARKNESS.